I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
