i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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