youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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