He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
