think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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