I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
