your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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