i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
