I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
