Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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