we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
