atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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