wrigley field is MILF paradise
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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