drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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