I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
