"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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