You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize