The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
