honey bunches of taint.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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