I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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