I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
