Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
