We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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