Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
