We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
