Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
