I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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