I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
