Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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