Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize