new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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