the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
