yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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