There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
