I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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