I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
