guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
