i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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