i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
