i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
do nipples grow back?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
