exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
