was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
