I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
