He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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