Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
