Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
