I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
