you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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