can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
