3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
