wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
