i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
