I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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