remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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