Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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