You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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