i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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