Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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