I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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