Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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