he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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