i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Your penis caused this!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
