My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
