even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
