can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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