I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
