I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
